Are you as infuriated with the new generation of pop-up advertisements as I am?

It all started innocently enough (ha) with your basic, ordinary, run-of-the-mill pop-up ad. No biggie. Just close and you're on your way. Unless you happen to hit one of those where the pop-ups spawn more pop-ups, and it goes in this loop. Sometimes you had to Alt-F4 it instead, or find the tiny "really really close the window" link. Then came the pop-unders. Sneaky little devils vanished before you could get rid of 'em. And that's not even including all the junk e-mail. Now we've got these stupid, damn fucking "system message" pop-ups.

Yeah, that's right. I hate these so much, they earn the swear-word modifier. I FUCKING HATE these things.

You must've received these as well, right? I get at least a dozen a night. Not your ordinary browser window variety, these somehow make it look like an important system message. They show up on the task bar with the little "application" icon. They inform me that my IP address is being broadcast all over the Internet and I should go to their website to download something to fix it. Or they're accusing me of being fat, or needing a bigger penis or larger breasts. Sure, it's easy enough just to click "OK" and forget about it. But when you get one every minute or so, it's really annoying. At least I can avoid the webpages with the pop-ups, or be prepared for them. These you aren't safe from. And I'm afraid to do anything about it. I'm afraid I'll go to the website and end up making it worse, like unsubscribing from spam lists and end up getting signed up on ten more. Perhaps I'd invest in some kind of ad-ware/spyware/anti-spam thing, but I don't know how effective it'd be on these things. I have enough trouble with Norton, since it pops up whenever I try to do anything Internet related. Heck, it popped up when I was playing Black & White, even without the Internet, so this thing is making me needlessly paranoid.

It's a never-ending game of cat and mouse, with the spammers and the blockades set up to stop spam. I almost wish things would just hurry up and get to the point like in Minority Report - just constant, instant personalized advertisements everywhere. Just get it over with and analyze my body and habits and have at it. At the very least, I might be partially interested in the ads, as opposed to these vague blanket spam ads that assume I'm impotent or on the verge of financial ruin. Plus, the technology would be cool. Though couldn't you get away with avoiding the retinal scans by not looking at the scanner? Or just closing your eyes? Seems like that one point in the movie and everyone's getting scanned as they walk through the corridor, that they all happen to look up and *flash*. Don't they know everyone just stares at the ground as they move like that?

I'll mention again, it claims my IP address is being broadcast all over the Internet. Now, last time I checked, isn't that how the Internet is DESIGNED TO WORK? I took a course in computer networks in college, and while my grade can't confirm an "expert" status, I've still got the book sitting behind me right now on the shelf. I'm pretty sure I can look up the fact that most, if not all, the transfer protocols (you know, HTTP, FTP, SMTP...you've seen these before) include the IP address. So to that claim, I say: "DUH!"

And I have to try very hard not to let myself become roped into believing the rest of the ads. It'll wear you down if you receive a thousand messages a day telling you you can increase your penis size. Do they know something I don't? Sure, it's scare tactics; that's my point. I'm actually quite comfortable with my size, and I haven't received a complaint yet...in fact, nothing but praise for my, uh, "l33t bedr00m sk1llz". I know that's probably WAY too much information for you; I'm just tooting my own horn, if you will. If you doubt me, perhaps some kind of arrangement can be made...e-mail me. ;-) Men need not apply.

I apologize, that was kind of shameless. Can't blame a guy for trying though, right?

In other news:

I caught a bit of a sneak peek of The Matrix Reloaded on ET. Jaw on the floor, chills down the spine. I don't need to rave about it...this is one of those movies that everyone will go see, and everyone will love. Any more praise feels kind of redundant. I also noticed X2 is showing up on the "upcoming movie releases" lists. That threw me a little bit when I first saw that. I thought, "Hey, X2 is supposed to open the first weekend of May." Then I thought, "Duh, the first weekend of May is only a few weeks from now." I've been so out of the loop.

Also, I read recently that actress Jennifer Garner is splitting up with her husband, Whatshisname. (Btw, do you always have to preface an actor's name with the title "actor" like that?) So, woo-hoo! she's on the market! If Ms. Garner is interested, I'd like to throw my hat into the ring in what is sure to be a huge free-for-all for her affection. She can feel free to contact me at the e-mail address mentioned above.

And finally, in a nice little bit of irony, just before I post this message, I received one of those hated pop-ups, at 1:45 am EDT.
posted by Tim at 1:51 AM