Well, there's no comic today, since I spent the day out doing fun things...well, OK, I went to Six Flags. But, to kind of make up for it, I'll go on a rant about what I did afterwards.

First, a quick note, though. While at Six Flags I wore my Green Lantern shirt, and gotten 3 compliments about it. It may not sound like much, but (a) how many compliments do you get for your regular shirts, anyway?, and (b) I always get compliments about this shirt when I wear it in a public setting, almost without fail. I think Warner Bros. and DC Comics are missing out on a fabulous opportunity here. They spend all this time trying to rejuvinate the Batman and Superman movie franchises (and let's face it, those two rule Six Flags, anyway), and I'm sure they'll be casting a Wonder Woman soon enough. But it seems to me that Green Lantern is quite a popular character, and WB would be wise to capitalize on that popularity. We have the technology now to make a really amazing movie, I think. Please, the Big Guys there have had their moments in the sun, and DC has this huge cast of characters they have yet to really delve into. I know there are some B- or C-list DC comic movies in the works, but nothing really that anyone's heard of...especially now that Marvel is churning out all their A-listers in regular installments. And if they make an Aquaman movie before GL (or even the Flash), I'll be ticked off.

Anyway, back to the meat of the rant. Afterwards I did something I don't normally get to do on a weekday...watch prime-time television. Today we settled in on Fox's new drama/reality series, Hell's Kitchen. Watching Chef Ramsay continually insult the contestants, of course, makes for great television...but it's also painfully obvious that's going to be the focus of the show. In almost every other "reality" show the focus is on the contestants and their relationships with each other. And while we caught a glimpse of that with Elise nominating Dewberry for elimination despite her earlier assurance she wouldn't do that, it certainly seems like it's just going to be Ramsay giving the censor's bleep-button finger a workout.

And Dewberry...what kind of name is that?! First of all, I've never heard of the name before. No one has. He seems like an effeminate Southern man, and that name sounds more like some kind of Californian hippie-commune name. Neither it's two basic parts, "dew" (as in pixies moistening the grass in the early morning) nor "berry" (as in fruit) are very masculine.

Now, I understand this guy Ramsay is a top chef, and has been for a number of years. I find the strive for complete perfection in food in this situation to be a noble desire. I even get the fact that this guy got where he is today by being a hardass. But, my main beef with this show (pardon the pun) is the prize. The winner of this competition wins the restaurant they are cooking/living in. That's all well and good, except they opened the restaurant for the first "challenge". And because Ramsay is such an uber-perfectionist, he would not allow any of the order to be served to the patrons if he didn't like one little thing. Even if the problem was with one dish, the entire order would be scrapped and recooked. Which means some people who arrived at the restaurant at 7:00 NEVER received their meal, even after 10:00 when Ramsay closed the kitchen in frustration. And here I am, looking at this from a patron/business perspective, and wondering just how in the hell he expects this restaurant to succeed. He certainly never opened his other nine restaurants this way. And while, yes, I have to remember this is "reality" TV and makes for a compelling story, I can't imagine for the life of me winning this competition and gaining control of a restaurant with an absolutely horrible reputation of awful service. I mean, people were walking out early having never eaten anything. I can't imagine word-of-mouth being any good whatsoever.

Ramsay himself told the players "good food compliments the service, and good service compliments the food." But then he contradicts himself by not letting any food out of the kitchen, thereby ruining anything service-wise. And I can't tell what was wrong with any of the food they cooked. It can't be how it tastes; these recipes have to have been test-cooked and taste-tested before being approved for the menu well in advance. And, I'm sure these contestants have had enough cooking experience to follow a recipe. It can only be one of two things, as I see it. The first way is the way it's been cooked. Now, these people have known each other for a grand total of one day. They learned the recipies for the menu maybe an hour before the restaurant opened. So, naturally, the FIRST TIME THEY MAKE THE MEAL is not going to be perfect. See Elise's (I think it was her) risotto. Ramsay turned the plate vertical and it stayed put. But after another attempt or two, she got it to a point where Ramsay claimed it "looked delicious." Hell, anyone who makes a recipe the first time is bound to make mistakes, and they adjust every time they make it. But normal restaurant chefs, I'm sure, practice the recipes BEFORE the restaurant opens, not at the sacrifice of the restaurant's reputation.

The second way is how the meal looks. And this is where Ramsay's hardassness comes into play. Like I said, the goal of perfect food for a gourmet restaurant is a noble one. However, any restauranteur with any common sense whatsoever knows when to sacrifice perfect food for good service. So the patron gets a slightly-less-than-perfect meal, but it's still top-notch and tastes great. And if there is really anything wrong with it, then that's when you write it up on the comment card.

And then, if Ramsay doesn't like one tiny little thing, the whole order goes in the trash. And I think, what a HORRIBLE waste of food. There are plenty of people starving everywhere who would LOVE to get even just a bread sandwich, and here this guy is, tossing out hundreds of dollars worth of Beef Wellington. Beef Wellington that any 4 or 5-star restaurant would serve and it would be their number one meal, even if the oustide was only slightly charred. Or if the lobster pasta wasn't just the right shade of burnt umber.

So, it begs the question, just what the hell is wrong with this meal I made from YOUR recipe, then, Mr. Ramsay? All he does is call the chef in question to him and asks them, "This looks like shit." And they're like, "Yes sir." I personally don't think I could, say, sear a cut of tuna to be nicely grilled on the outside and perfectly rare on the inside, but I think these people could. And I think after a couple attempts at the menu would yeild something that would pass for stupendous at any other retaurant. But this guy just goes "This is shit" and tosses it. And if you don't tell me what you think is wrong with it, how do you expect me to improve upon it? Because I'm only going to cook it the same way I just did.

And these chefs are real pushovers, eh? They just readily agree with Ramsay. "Yes, this is shit, sir. I wouldn't eat that myself. I don't know why I gave it to you to serve." Some of the contestants were trying to be sly and make cutting remarks right back at him early during the first challenge ("OK, Ramsay's on his way here, you've got 45 minutes to wow him with your signature dish." - and he immediately insulted like 10 of the 12 dishes), but they were whipped little puppies during the main challenge. (In my mind) I'd be all like, "No, tell me what the insignificant detail you found wrong with this gourmet meal is." And if he's all like, "It's shit, make it better", I'd be all like, "Fuck you, what's wrong with it?" Because if he's going to just insult me no matter what I do, I may as well not take any of it, cut through the shit about finding it within myself how to improve and just demand how to make it the way he wants it. Because he better be able to take what he's dishing out. (and why do I get the feeling that would be in one's advantage?)

And how can Ramsay expect these people to churn out perfection on their very first night together? As I mentioned, any normal restaurant practices preparing its meals ahead of time. And Ramsay himself declared these chefs to be worthless earlier in the afternoon. Yeah, he's going to break them down and rebuild them like the Army does, but again, why on opening night, when no one's going to be eating there in two weeks. I mean, I can't imagine "The service is awful. But, in the off chance you even get your meal, it tastes so good that you will phase out of your clothes and achieve Nirvava right there in your seat."

One more point. Two times during the evening, the first group to be seated (a foursome of blonde women) ventured into the kitchen to complain to the head chef. Ramsay told them to get out of his kitchen and asked his maitre'd to send them "back to plastic surgery". The women, of course, left in a huff. Mr. Ramsay...you work in the food service industry. Where Rule Number One is to SERVICE THE CUSTOMER. Any other restaurant, if there was a problem like not getting served your meal in over two hours, the head chef would come out and apologize, and maybe even offer some kind of compromise. But no, this guy insults his patrons, and they leave, never to return, and never send their friends to the restaurant either. This guy might be an outstanding cook, but he's a lousy restauranteur. Remember, he may have opened nine tip-notch restaurants, but he only made the menus...he doesn't manage them all (I would hope).

I pray that the people shown showing up in limos and presumably ready to spend hundreds of dollars for a gourmet meal at this restaurant are made aware beforehand (or even afterwards) that this is the setting for a reality show and that the restaurant isn't always going to suck.

Even after all that complaining, I'd still be compelled to continue to watch the show. However, it's not on at a time where I can watch it, and I don't have a TiVo. So, it's not so much that I won't watch it out of disgust, but more like I can't watch it because of the schedule. Not that this is a show I'd really make an appointment to see anyway. It's intruguing, but nothing I'm going to obsess with.
posted by Tim at 2:05 AM